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Wednesday, January 30th, 2008
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Fuck insomnia. Fuck tweaking on caffeine. Fuck being ADDICTED to caffeine.
But most of all fuck you weird dreams. Stop haunting me.
I would LOVE to sleep right now.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Saturday, January 26th, 2008
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| Time: | 3:54 pm. |
| Mood: |  content. |
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At Sal's.
Bronchitis can suck my balls.
I miss Doug.
10.23.07 [aAf]
Werd up.
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Wednesday, January 23rd, 2008
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Everything came back, everything is colliding again. <3
10.23.07<3
THREE.
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Sunday, January 20th, 2008
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| Time: | 9:08 am. |
| Mood: |  blah. |
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I think I'm falling to pieces.
My heart is failing.
......we're falling down.
...I'm falling.......
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Thursday, January 17th, 2008
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| Time: | 3:53 pm. |
| Mood: |  confused. | | Music: | 2pac - Life Goes On. |
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I don't think I've ever been so confused...ever. Alcohol mindfucks me. I wish I could be like every other person and enjoy myself when I drink, for the most part. I feel like I'm losing it..losing it all.
Life will go on.
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Sunday, January 13th, 2008
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Life is currently amazing.
I fucking love the city, the beach, HOOKAH BARS (my first time!), my friends, nicotine, smirnoff, crazy diving, good music, and MY DOUGIE. <3
I've never been happier.
Lisa is coming in for the summer, which I'm overly excited about.
Everything is coming back again.
Byeee bye miss american pie.
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Monday, January 7th, 2008
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| Time: | 12:21 pm. |
| Mood: |  aggravated. | | Music: | Brokencyde - Schizophreina. |
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This is motherfucking pure bullshit.
I hate the way I look and most of humanity right now.
FUCK!
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Sunday, January 6th, 2008
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I don't even know where to start. I'm done with drama, I'm done with bullshit, I'm done with fakes, and I'm done with lies (applying to one person in particular.) But whatever, today was good. Random trips to Mahopac are fun. The taconic parkway will NEVER be the same. Haha.
I just saw Doug, I miss him already.
I feel like driving.
...i felt you like electric light...
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Friday, January 4th, 2008
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Yay for massive amounts of caffeine and seeing my baby.
Evil looks are sexxy.
I'm so awake right now it's not even funny, I want to go back out or do something fun. Today was really good, minus the stupid bullshit fight with my mother.
Red heels + sexy hair + mink coat = love.
I feel like driving somewhere.
I wanna go to the city.
If this entry makes no sense, it's all good.
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| Time: | 3:11 am. |
| Mood: |  weird. | | Music: | 2pac & Nappy Roots - One Day. |
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I can't change. For anyone. But myself. It's only the 4th day of 2008 and I'm already smoking mad pot. What the hell is wrong with me? And oooh man my anxiety has built up. I have a feeling this is going to be one hell of a bizzare year. I want to talk to Doug right now. I need him. I don't know what my true feelings are anymore. I want a bottle of wine right now. See, there I go again. Come on God, please.
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Thursday, January 3rd, 2008
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| Time: | 8:49 am. |
| Mood: | happy. | | Music: | Ja Rule & Ashanti - Mesmerize. |
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So I've only been up for 50 minutes and I KNOW today will be amazing. Shit works out yo, for everyone.
Everything is always okay in the end, and if it's not okay, it's not the end.
Caffeine and nicotine sure do a lot for me.
So many good things are coming my way this year.
I love you.
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Wednesday, January 2nd, 2008
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| Time: | 9:14 am. |
| Mood: | content. | | Music: | Depeche Mode - Enjoy The Silence. |
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Caffeine and nicotine non stop baby.
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Tuesday, January 1st, 2008
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Burn out, not fade away. My eyes are fucking killing me. Mad tired, yo. So tomorrow I go back to school and the boyfriend goes to work, oh God knows how this is going to turn out. I really need to apply myself more, hence it being one of my new years resolutions, hopefully I won't go back on them. Once again, I'm in one of those "I'm a complex person and I'm trying to figure myself out" moods. When will I ever grow out of these mood phase type things.
I want my hair to be back to blonde, random. So it's a new year and I'm thinking about new changes, including my lungs. Once again, I need to quit smoking and cut back on the caffeine. I don't even know what state my health is in. I want to lose weight to, although I already have lost a lot. Also, new clothes, that's already almost done. This year I voutched to myself that I'll stop getting myself into manic modes and all the fun emotional stuff *sarcasm.* I don't feel like ranting anymore.
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| Time: | 12:16 pm. |
| Mood: | content. | | Music: | Bush - Everything Zen. |
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Happy 2008.
2007 had it's ups and horrible downs, but overall it was an okay year.
Metal rage breakdowns suck, yo.
I'm pretty good right now though.
I miss Doug, although I saw him yesterday. Gah.
Life is short.
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Tuesday, December 18th, 2007
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So basically two or three days ago I have come to the conclusion I'm going to stop drinking, minus the occasional glass of wine with the family and what not, and for that matter, also stop smoking pot, although I rarely do it. Why do you ask? A) My medication factors. B) Every time I drink, even if it's one beer, I have this sliiiight problem where I sort of kind of can't limit myself =/. Blah @ self control. C) Every time I smoke, no matter what kind of pot, my heart races. D)It's just really unhealthy. I will gladly admit, I WILL miss alcohol, a great amount. I promised Doug I'm stopping, and I won't go back on my word. On the other hand, New Years is coming up. I'm starting to write some resolutions. Honestly, usually when I make resolutions, I go back on them. Fuck! So, as of the new year, I'm really going to strive for good things, and apply myself to a great extent. Apply as in school wise and photography wise (God bless new camera's..hopefully.) Although I stopped striving for perfection, I'm going to strive for better self-esteem and strive to get healthy. I NEED to start working out again and greatly cut back on the caffeine and nicotine. I need to re-gain my lung capacity. Also as of the resolutions, I need to stop being so....uhh...worked up and anxious for stupid reasons. It's really hard to explain. I need to stop letting pathetic people get to me, and use the concept of psychology more often.
At this point, I don't know where my life is heading, education wise. I NEED TO STOP TAKING RANDOM DAYS OFF AND SHIT. BLAH. I've come to realize I WANT TO BECOME SOMETHING, and I WILL. I don't care who puts me down. Well, I'm saying this now, but I know I'll still care to an extent, especially if it's my mother saying bullshit, as usual. I confuse myself.
I have come a long way from 3-4 years ago, and I'm not going back to my past...and that I promise MYSELF.
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Monday, December 17th, 2007
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Thursday, December 13th, 2007
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+'s and -'s about the past few days.
+ Doug <3
- Shortage of cash.
- Random kidney pains. (I HOPE THE INFECTIONS AREN't COMING BACK!)
+ Lots of nicotine.
+ Feeling emotionally better than ever.
- Stupid fights with the momma and poppadukes.
+ Making up with them.
+ Lots of days off from school.
- IT'S FUCKING COLD.
- STUPID myspace drama! >=O
+ Not that much mania.
+ Major chillage.
- Not enough alcohol consumed.
Basically, I'm once again, overall content with life.
<3
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Sunday, December 9th, 2007
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| Time: | 11:14 pm. |
| Mood: | loved. |
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..promise me, you'll never let go.
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Friday, December 7th, 2007
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| Time: | 8:26 am. |
| Mood: | weird. | | Music: | Goo Goo Dolls - Black Balloon. |
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I'm taking a trip down memory lane.
I don't think I'm coming back.
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Monday, December 3rd, 2007
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"I want to feel what your knife moves like in the deepest conditions, void of the consequences when we make our incisions. If we’re gonna kiss, bite my lips hard. If we’re gonna kiss, tear my skin apart. Honey, I know that life is sweet but when it comes to my destruction it ain’t got shit on me."
I can't even describe how I feel right now. All I have to say is, I, Melyssa Moretti, am one WEIRD thinker, and human being.
I'm sorta confused about everything...but everything happens for a reason.
I really don't know what I'm talking about.
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sickanesthetic's journal
awake.
hyper.
exhausted.
tired.